Week 3: What is Marriage? Why Does It Matter?

What is Marriage? Why Does It Matter?

     "In his first American dictionary, Noah Webster defined marriage as 'the legal union of a man and woman for life,' which served the purposes of 'preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, . . . promoting domestic felicity, and . . . securing the maintenance and education of children.' 1 An American Dictionary of the English Language (1828)." (Chief Justice Roberts of the Supreme Court-Dissent Obergefell v. Hodges, p. 6). "We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995). Marriage has long been understood and accepted as a union between, not just any two people, but between a man and a woman. The reason being is that it is just such a union that has the potential to create new life in the form of children. So, not only does marriage bring together two individuals, but it should also create the opportunity to produce offspring. 

     On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court handed down a decision that allowed same-sex marriage as part of the law of the land. I have family I love who have chosen same-sex marriages. My belief is that God does not accept these unions as marriage and my heart is torn. My belief is firm that God says marriage is between a man and a woman. I do believe that God has given individuals the right to make their own choices, so, I respect their right to choose how they will lead their lives. But, I do not appreciate anyone thinking they can change my beliefs just because a law was changed. I have accepted that I will not change their beliefs, and all I ask is that they accept they cannot change mine. I still love them and enjoy their company. My heart remains torn, because according to my beliefs, my loved ones are in defiance of God and I wish it wasn't so.

     As part of the Supreme Court's Decision in 2015, the Court attests the following: "No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were" (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2005). It seems that the Supreme Court Justices have the utmost respect for the institution of marriage, and yet, as one reads their decision one has to question that respect. Their esteem for marriage seems false because they altered what marriage is, at least for mankind in the United States. They cannot, however, alter what it is to God since He is, afterall, the author of marriage. Four Justices did not agree with the Court decision and they published Dissents. Justices Roberts, Scalia, Thomas and Alito had some variations of dissent, but they all agreed that the Court's decision was not Constitutional because it was not based upon law but upon a social agenda and opinion. The Court's decision also reversed the will of the people, who had in their various States voiced at the ballot box their wish to retain the traditional definition of marriage. The Court did not follow Due Process, but legislated from the bench. 5 men and women legislated and declared law, robbing the people of their say in the matter. 

   But God has a say. And He will say it through us, His disciples. Russell M. Nelson, then an Apostle of the Lord declared, "Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage. We cannot yield. History is not our judge. A secular society is not our judge. God is our judge. For each of us, Judgement Day will be held in God's own way and time. The future of marriage and of countless human lives will be determined by your willingness to bear solemn witness of the Lord and live according to His gospel" (Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage, 2014). I wish to please God more than man, so I speak up in saying that marriage has always been and will forever be between a man and a woman, Amen.

Week 2: All Is Safely Gathered In

All Is Safely Gathered In

     I grew up in a home where marriage was promoted. My mother and father genuinely loved each other and treated each other with love as well as with respect, dignity, and consideration. They talked about marriage with their children and they taught us that, when we married, we should expect to give of ourselves more than we expected to take. My mother hated the phrase "marriage is 50/50." She said that sometimes one spouse would receive much more than they gave, for the moment, but that spouses who loved one another always strive to give more and certainly not to keep score! She said as each spouse tried to give at least 90%, then neither would feel ill-used.

    

     My father often quoted President David O. McKay, "No success can compensate for failure in the home" ("Lesson 22: Creating a Successful Family," The Eternal Family Teacher Manual, 2015, https://www.lds.org/manual/the-eternal-family-teacher-manual/lesson-22-creating-a-successful-family?lang=eng). Dad taught us that nothing the world has to offer could possibly be more important, nor need to take a higher priority, than the work of the family. He taught that marriage and children are the most sacred of obligations, the most important human rights, and the greatest of privileges that God has ever given mankind. In addition, we learned from Mom and Dad that happy, healthy marriages take work. Sometimes very hard work which can be difficult and painful but, the work of marriage is mostly pleasant and enjoyable when both spouses work together to find harmony.

                    

     Growing up, I only knew one couple who divorced: my Aunt Linda and her husband, my former Uncle Harry. I learned in later years that my Aunt Linda never expected to have long-term marriage with Harry. She only wanted to have a reason to leave home. What is truly tragic is that Linda and Harry had three children together before divorcing. Paul Amato, a professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University wrote, "Because many social scientists, policymakers, and members of the general public believe that a two-parent household is the optimal setting for children's development, the decline in such households has generated widespread concern about the well-being of American children" (2005). Of course, I know that I was not as impacted as my cousins, but I still remember being very confused that Harry was no longer my uncle. How could that be?! He was still my cousins' father, but because of the divorce, Harry was no longer a part of my family. I was very sad and I have never again had the opportunity to interact with him!

                                     

     As I reflect on what I can do now and in the future to "preserve" an intact family, I am reminded of the hymn "Come, Ye Thankful People" (Hymn # 94, 1985). 

     Come, ye thankful people, come;

Raise the song of harvest home.

All is safely gathered in

Ere the winter storms begin.

God, our Maker, doth provide

For our wants to be supplied.

Come to God's own temple, come:

Raise the song of harvest home.

People often think of harvesting the fields and putting up food storage in relation to this hymn. But it occurred to me that it could also represent what should be occurring in our familial relationships with spouse and children. I desire to "safely gather in" my family within the protective borders of the gospel of Jesus Christ. "God, our Maker" truly does provide the way and the means to do this. Marriage and family can be sealed together forever within His temples and living according to His commandments is the best protection against the destructive forces of the outside world. It is possible to be "Safely Gathered In."

                                          

                                                                   

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Nothing More Important

Marriage is the cornerstone of our existence. We were sent here by  loving Heavenly Father to become like Him and to return to live with Him in like manner.

"Many people in the world consider marriage to be only a social custom, a legal agreement between a man and a woman to live together. But to Latter-day Saints, marriage is much more. Our exaltation depends on marriage, along with other principles and ordinances, such as faith, repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. We believe that marriage is the most sacred relationship that can exist between a man and a woman. This sacred relationship affects our happiness now and in the eternities" (Gospel Principles, Chapter 38: Eternal Marriage," pp. 218-223, 2011).