M. Russell Ballard, an Apostle of the Lord, has said, "Our Father in Heaven loves all of His children equally, perfectly, and infinitely. His love is no different for His daughters than for His sons. Our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, also loves men and women equally. His Atonement and His gospel are for all of God's children," (Counseling with Our Councils, 1997). Never has God or Christ held men above women, nor women above men. Men and women are designed to compliment and complete one another, especially in marriage and as parents. Men and women are equal in the site of God yet, the God-given roles of men and women are different. I grew up in a home where my father went to work to provide for the family's needs and my mother was at home caring for and nurturing us. As their children, we never knew a difference between Mom's or Dad's love for us, nor was one's responsibility to teach us any greater than the other. They were different in their expressions of love and how they taught, but they were never divided by whose "job" it was to do either. They were united in their purpose as husband and wife and as parents.
Elder Ballard continues, "Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal opportunities, they do have different duties in His eternal plan - and yet these differing roles and duties are equally significant. . . .Both men and women are to serve their families and others, but the specific ways in which they do so are sometimes different. For example, God has revealed through His prophets that men are to receive the priesthood, to become fathers, and with gentleness and pure, unfeigned love to lead and nurture their families in righteousness, taking for their pattern the way the Savior leads the Church. Men have also been given the primary responsibility for providing for the temporal and physical needs of the family. Women have the ability to bring children into the world and have been given the primary role and opportunity to lead, nurture, and teach their little ones in a loving, safe, and spiritual environment. In this divinely sanctioned partnership, husbands and wives work together, each bringing his or her unique contribution to the family. Such a couple provide the children born to their union a home where they can be fully nurtured by both a mother and a father. By appointing different accountabilities to men and women, Heavenly Father provides the greatest opportunity for growth, service, and progress," (Counseling with Our Councils, 1997).
My mother and father often expressed their testimony that they knew their roles were divinely appointed. They were glad to serve one another as partners and they were glad to fulfill their respective roles in our home. In my own life, I have sought, as a mother, to be primarily in the home with my children. I do work outside the home, but for minimal hours, and with the blessing of my family. I am still available whenever my children need me. I take very seriously my role as their nurturer and teacher. My husband regards with seriousness his role as provider, protector, and teacher. We, as a couple, counsel together regarding the affairs of our home, especially our relationship with each other, relationships with our children, their relationships with each other and our relationship with Christ.
As I was going off to become married, my mother gave me two pieces of advice that have proved to be invaluable. First, to nurture my marriage, I had to communicate as a partner with my husband. He and I were to turn toward one another as we discussed anything that pertained to the two of us and to refrain from taking our concerns "home" to Mom and Dad. Although I would always be welcome in my parents' home, it would no longer be my home. My home was with my husband. The second piece of advice she gave me was to not let our children divide and conquer us. We were act with unity in front of our children. If we had differences of opinion, we were discuss those privately. We, as parents, should refrain from making decisions regarding our children until we had come to consensus on those decisions. Along with that, she advised me to be a mother first to my children. Friendship with your children is great, and advisable, but not by sacrificing being a parent. Richard B. Miller, PhD, director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University spoke about issues of power in family relationships. He said, "In healthy, well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children. Parents are the 'executive committee' and the 'board of directors' of a family. As with any other leadership position, parents should not be harsh, domineering, or dictatorial, but they are the leaders of the family, and the children need to follow that leadership," ("Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families," BYU Conference on Family Life, March 28, 2008).
When a loving and committed couple, husband and wife, work together as partners, each willing to perform their different, but equal, parts, they will find unity and harmony as they seek to know and do the Lord's will. They will find joy in each other's company and help as they work together to raise children in righteousness. Children will benefit as they see Mom and Dad love and respect one another and present a united front for their children. Children need stability and structure, both of which will be provided by a couple who respect, defend, and support one another. It took some time for my husband and I to really come together in harmony as a couple and as parents, but it has given our home that stability. We have love and harmony and our children know that Mom and Dad can work through anything together.
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